21st November 2019
Philippians 3:13-14 (KJV) 13: Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,14; I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.
Proverbs 4:25 - Let thine eyes look right on, and let thine eyelids look straight before thee.
What can be said about the head?..As a psychologist I could say loads, essentially about our mental health, but that subject has been tackled throughout my blogs. As this blog is for all to enjoy, I will focus on getting ahead, using famous quotes to help me do that. The first of my famous quotes comes from Dr Seuss, my favourite children's author who states 'You have brains in your head, feet in your shoes, you can steer yourself in any direction you choose”.
What plans do you have for the next five years? Make something up! The only way you'll get there is by putting one foot in-front of another to get there. Not to repeat the contents of my free book 'Find and follow your passion' (https://www.loveliveholistically.com/books.php) You can do whatever you put your mind to, especially if it is a passion. There are times in your life that you may feel that your goals are unattainable, but I am here to tell you that you can do anything, yes anything you put your mind to. Lets talk about getting onto a course, with its guideline of acceptance. What are your thoughts when you look at the those guidelines? Is it often, Oh I haven't got that, so I wont be able to do that course? (Bare in mind this attitude should be considered, when looking for a job.) Do you look at the criteria and let someone else decide that you will be unable to complete the course (or do the job)? Perhaps you, like me, go for the job or course, anyway? I do understand that there are certain courses that stipulate that if you had not completed a certain level of education, and gained a particular grade, you may find the course you are embarking on, more difficult to grasp. I believe that if you have a passion for a subject and feel that you could complete the course you will work harder than others who do fulfil the criteria.
I had completed my first degree, which took seven years part time, and included having six children, failed relationships, the death of my daughter, lost of houses (I got evicted) I won't go on....At the end of my studies I had gained a third class degree and wanted to go on to gain a Masters degree. I had certain provisos to embarking on a Masters Degree. It had to be close enough to my house, so I could commute....It also had to be close enough to work (I had to work a full time job) So I picked one university that offered the degree I needed (Masters in Counselling Psychology). The criteria for that degree was, you needed to be a psychologist, that I was, you needed be over 26 years old, that I was, and have gained a 2.1 or above in your first degree in-order to apply for that Degree. I didn't have a 2:1 but applied anyway. Needless to say I filled in the application form, wrote up a storm as to why I wanted to do the degree and had a face to face interview. I always gain more confidence once you invite me to sit in-front of you, I often feel I will sway you. I must have swayed her as I began the degree.....The rest as they say is history. The only difference between me and anyone else who isn't going for what they want right now, is gall. What is stopping you right now? From applying for that post, course, degree, lease or Mortgage, etc....? Remember you have to believe that you can handle what it takes to complete or provide what is being asked of you. In-order to get in that mindset, you may have to do some research, a course or get some advice from someone who has done what you are aiming for.
The other famous quote is from Mark Twain who said “The Secret of getting ahead is getting started. “The secret of getting started is breaking your complex, overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one" In my case, mentioned above I understood that it would take some doing to get into the only university that I approached for my Masters Degree, I disregarded the fact that 'they ' wanted a 2.1 or better pass mark to get in, and applied anyway.......I broke down the tasks and followed through. What task do feel is Monmouth at the moment? Perhaps its finding somewhere to live, getting the property arranging the move and moving in....Easier said than done.....One would need to start, that could be something as simple as asking Estate agents (Real estate agents ) to send via post or email all properties in your price range and specification. Secondly, you would need to view properties that you would like to live in. Put in an offer and take it from there....The same goes for wanting a new job....You must view the job sites and set up interviews....Sitting and wishing for your ideal job is not going to make it fall in your lap. You really need to take steps in the direction you want to go. There are other situations in life that are not as simple as trying to get a new place or one on a Masters degree. Some situations have you blindly going where you have never been before.
This leads me onto the third quote I want to share. It comes from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr who said "Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase" What mountain are you attempting to climb in your life, right now? DrScott@loveliveholistically.com Perhaps you know that this mountain has to be conjure but you are not sure how to start. Mark Twain reminds us to start by breaking the tasks into manageable tasks. remember, we don't have to see the whole staircase to take the first step. Sometimes, the encouragement of one person can get you moving. Contact me at DrScott@loveliveholistically.com if you need that help. This could be something you have been putting off for days, months or even years.....The time will come when you find that you can not put it off any longer, and must get it sorted....For years I had debt hanging around my neck, with all the house moves I would get a prelude while they (my debtors) found me. They often found me because I had tried to get a loan or a credit card and of course it showed up on the credit score register....Easy catch (Don't get me wrong, I wasn't running away from these people, but I didn't phone them up and tell them that I was leaving my current aboard and moving to a new one) Once they had found me, I would make arrangements with the best of intentions in the world to stick to the payment plan. Needless to say, I would default on my payments as the money I did have, had to be used for more important things....like food to pay for electric and gas. I have spoken about my debts in all my other books (https://www.amazon.com/author/angescott) To recap....My debts stem from University fees and studies, having a job for a few years, leaving without securing another post, starting businesses which (failed) didn't work, didn't have any capital, didn't have enough time to build momentum, whatever the reason I would have bills building up and not enough money coming in. So by the time I decided that a business venture was not working and start looking for another job, I had bailiffs knocking on my door and debt collectors calling. Then one year I decided that I would do something about it once and for all. Instead of trying to deal with all these debtors on my own, calling all these companies, trying to set up payments plans and defaulting was becoming wearing. I couldn't see where I would, one day be able to pay off all my debts. My businesses where not paying, in-fact they where making a loss, and not bringing in enough to survive on, let alone pay debts. So I called a debt charity and got help. It had taken years and years of trying to sort things out, to realise that I was unable to do it myself, and that my debt mountain had to be tackled, climbed and conquered. I was not worried or frightened however, it was something I had never done before and as Dr Martin Luther King said I didn't have the see the whole staircase in-order climb the stair. Now, the charity's advice to me was more like a mini bankruptcy. Oh the shame, it would be like having a criminal record......I would have to tick the box that asks 'are you involved in a debt relief program'? I would be on the Insolvency Register...Oh the shame! Not really, it didn't bother me that much. I would now be among the rich and famous that had become bankrupts.
This attitude leads me to two quotes one by Helen Keller which states "Never bend your head. Always hold it high. Look the world straight in the eye" and my dear Dr. Mayo Angelo who said "Your Crown has been bought and paid for, put it on your head and wear it"
I had no intention of feeling embarrassed about having my debts wiped off and having the privilege of having my name on a 'Can't pay your debts register'.....This is not something that makes me feel less than....No way, S*** happens and you really need to get on with it all.....Stand tall...I could sit there feeling sorry for myself, not applying for jobs, In the belief that my financial past was going to come up.....No sirey not me. I continued to wear my crown and walk tall...I continued to look the world in the eye. I owned every debt I had......I am comfortable with how they came about, and feel I did the best I could do given the situation I was in, back then. Not everyone can walk tall or carry on as if everything is well when it is not. My aim here is to let you know, that you do not have to wallow in your past deeds, it does not help you move forward...If we all sat around in a pity party, we wouldn't be able to move forward...It's done, you acknowledged it, hopefully you have learnt from the experience, but you must must move on. Moving on is easier said than done, it may be a struggle, but I promise you that when you decide to make a change, or go in the direction of your goal, you will feel a new lease of life. You will notice that a whole new world has opened up to you....Life will feel like you have been wearing blinkers for years, and now you are seeing clearly.
The point between I want change and changing is a stage I will call the Liminal stage. It's a time of the unknown, you've never been here before, never been in this particular situation, dealing with this particular problem .....If you had, you wouldn't be going through my Liminal stage. This is a stage of growing, you know that you can not go back because you have outgrown the situation and want change.
The First stage is: Awareness - You come to the realisation that something has to change, you can not carry on with the situation as it is. You note that there are people 'out there' living better lives, and that they are not putting up with what you have had to live with. Thoughts like 'there has got to be something better out there' spring to mind....Life, you feel, has got to have something else in store for you...You acknowledge the fact, that you deserve substantially more than you are getting now......You want and should have a better quality of life. When you get to this stage in your life or position in-regards to the problem or situation, you begin to look at ALL your relationships....Partner, Friends and Family members come under scrutiny. But if they are not your main focus, you leave them on the side for later...Your main focus will be the situation at hand, the house or job move, the injustice, the debt, the issue or problem.
Stage Two is Stalemate - Sad mate.....Here you know that the situation has developed to such a state that there is no choice but to bring about some kind of change. At this point you are not too sure what you going to do. Here you are sad, there is a little 'I'm sorry for myself'. It is a solitude time when no one can see the situation like you do...People may be able to empathise with you, but can not 'feel your pain' as it is you and only you that is going through it. It is your fight, it is your mountain to climb and no one can do it for you.
Like the Caterpillar....They know when it is time to change and do something they don't normally do, they stop eating, find a twig or leaf, hang upside down and spins itself a silky cocoon, alone, but they are about to get busy....just like you.
Stage Three is Seeking help - Chrysalis Stage ....You begin in earnest to seek out a solution to your issue- Here you watch other people in your situation on youtube....In the hope of seeing what your finish line may look like. You busy yourself trying to change your situation. You start making calls, you will speak to any company that may be able to help. You have taken on your case as if its a major contract.....You turn into the CEO of your life and the highest paying client is you. Woooowwwww You are on a mission. It is at this stage that you throw out old clothes, bric-a-brac and stuff that clutter your home. In the Chrysalis stage many areas of your life get the 'once over'.........If you are not focused on a particular issue or situation ....Friends and family members get sieved out too. You clean house here....woe unto anyone that gets in your way....Most areas of your life will get clean or at least dusted.
Stage Four is Emergence - from the chrysalis. At this stage you burst through the cobweb of the old you into a new you. You feel like a new person, you have been battered and wear the scars with pride.....You are about to take on the world that is your life or at least the issue at hand..... You have sorted out your main issue or happy with the help offered to get this issue under control, and the skies are the limit....Right now nothing and no one can stop you from moving on...Please use this time to continue to make changes in your life. You are in a prime position to make huge changes to your life as well as to those around you.......Don't waste the feeling! We have all changed something in our lives, we have all made huge changes, changes that were big enough to change us, the environment we live in, and or perhaps the people around us. Even if that change is leaving home and going to Uni, or just leaving home. Most of us have had a relationship break up. Many of us have changed jobs, some have changed careers. As we progress through life, we change. My Liminal stages is alike the dark night of the soul, in so much as, one goes though a transformation after becoming silent and practising solitude. You would have considered the past during this time..However it is imperative that you do not revert to thinking or holding on to the past. You have emerged, you have come through.....not to revert, go back....But move forward move ahead.
When you emerge from your Chrysalis you will be a new you, armed with the knowledge and strength you have gained from the experience. This is the way you must see yourself...You need to carry yourself as if you are re-born.....You should emerge as if life is going to be bright, that your life is going to work in your favour from here on in..Unless you have this attitude you run the risk of reverting to what you have left in the past. As we live in the real world......Things don't always stay bright and as we are creatures of habit or routine, we are at risk of reverting back to past behaviours, past hangouts, past relationships....There are few quotes from the bible regarding looking back and looking forward. One famous quote is in Genesis 19:26 which states 'But Lot's wife, behind him, looked back, and she became a pillar of salt' we are reminded in Isaiah Chapter 43:18:19 [to] 18 remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. 19 Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, [and] rivers in the desert.
There are many people living with regrets....One of the saddest aspects of working with the Elderly were the stories of regrets, things that they wished they had done or done differently, the things they felt they had lost and the things they wished they held on to. In order to move forward free of guilt, one needs to refrain form focusing on the past. This leads me onto my next quote which is by Auguste Gusteau, who stated that if you focus on what you left behind, you will never see what lies ahead. C.S Lewis also said that 'There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind' Ok, in some situations we may have wished we had done some things differently or handled certain situation with more decorum, care or maturity. The aim is to learn from the past and move on. This blog aims to encourage you to look ahead, to move on, as what is ahead of you is far, far better than what you have left behind.
Throughout my adult life. I have been in situations that could have had me searching my past for comfort.......Like the death of my sixteen year daughter or when my son was in a coma. I could have sat there wishing this situation away and trying to find something in my past that perhaps, I could have been done differently. But I had other children to think about and the father of my both those children above, was no shoulder to cry on. Life for me had to go on I had to cater and perhaps be strong for the other children. Both my quotes state that that one should look ahead.....After those two catastrophic incidents in my life......How could I look forward?
A quote from Muhammad Ali sums up how I carried on, when he said "It Isn’t the Mountain Ahead That Wears You Out; It Is the pebble in Your Shoe" This quote was first printed in 1916 in a trade publication for the insurance industry. The adage was printed with no accompanying text and no attribution was given. The quote "It isn’t the mountain ahead that wears you out; it is the grain of sand in your shoe" After the tragic events mentioned above, I knew that there would be mountains to climb, but the pebble (the bereavement, the pain of seeing my children dead or dying) would have to be endured. Have you ever been in a situation where you endured the pain in-order to get to though the situation, the ordeal, problem or issue? That was the pebble in your shoe, unable to stop and remove the pebble you carry on, until the issue or situation is resolved, or you climb that mountain.
Most of us carry on knowing that we will get where we are going, if we carry on. In order to get ahead, we need to ensure we focus on the goal, remind ourselves that the prize is worth it. Where is your goal taking you? Could it be to your best life ever, or just a better life? Where are you heading? Are you looking forward? Perhaps you are struggling getting there....Contact me Drscott@loveliveholistically.com. Now, bear in mind that some pebbles can be removed, in-order to make your journey towards your goal a little more durable. You know the type of pebble or thorn! Sometimes that pebble is a person or habit that has to be removed in-order for you to progress...I was in a relationship while completing my first degree, and noticed that whenever another TMA (Tutor Marked Assessment) came back with a pass or really great mark, our relationship would take a down hill turn.....Needless to say, that relationship did not survive. The reason for the example is to alert you to the fact that although some situations have to be endured until you reach your goal, some journeys can be travelled in business class!
In getting ahead of your issue, your situation or problem one will find that procrastination sets in at some point......Often while the people around you are busy enjoying themselves. Henry Ford states that he has found that most people get ahead during the time others waste. I suppose we would have to define what he meant by 'wasting time'. Perhaps he meant not following their dreams, or playing when they should be working....Any interpretation you give to Mr Henry Fords' quote, bear in mind that it is your own interpretation that counts....The mere fact that you are looking around and noticing your peers, your partner or family members are 'wasting' time, demonstrates that you are looking ahead, and you have noticed that that person could be doing something more constructive. What do you do while others play? what structures have you put in place to ensure you move ahead and stay on course? Are you on a mission? Are you the type to keep going until you get there? If not why not? Drscott@loveliveholistically.com Life is a series of moving forward, getting to the next threshold. It starts from in our mothers' womb. Most mothers- to-be are monitored through each trimester, until her baby is born, then the midwife expects the baby to do certain things at 1 minute after birth and at 5 minutes, tests, expectations and thresholds continue throughout life.
I will end this blog the way I started it, with a quote from Dr Suess as he gives us five lessons for life: 5 Lessons in Life from Dr. Seuss
1. Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You. Be you....Do you....Be yourself, however that shows up in the world...People living a lie, live with frustrations, and I believe a half life. I understand that it may not be as easy as I have written it here....Not everyone can just be...as they may live within restrictions to what they can and can not do, what they can and cannot be.. I am so privileged that I can be who or whatever I want to be, and have had the good sense to instil in my children, the notion that they also can be whoever or whatever they want to be. Feeling free to be you, aids ones growth and ensure you are always looking ahead, perhaps to what you can do or be.
2. Why fit in when you were born to stand out? Why fit in, when you can stand out?...What are you waiting for?....Just because no one in your family have ever completed a sky jump....doesn't mean you shouldn't do one. We wouldn't progress if we never reached heights our ancestors didn't or couldn't dream of reaching. Be reminded that you were born alone, even if you were a twin one of you came first! I understand the trepidation of being the first, but if it is a lingering thought or a passion....Go for it. Do you need help reaching that goal in your life? contact me Drscott@loveliveholistically.com
3. You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes.You can steer yourself any direction you choose. The beginning of this blog urges you to put one foot in-front of the other and head for your goals.
4. Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. mmmmm, within reason I say. But Dr. Suess is rarely wrong. Should you be you, the people who matter won't mind and those who do, should alert you to the relationship you have with this person....I understand that that person could be a close family member. Again you will have to consider the relationship. You may need to put some distance between that person after trying to understand their point of view on the matter..If those who mind are protected by a computer screen, ask yourself if they really matter!
5. Today I shall behave, as if this is the day I will be remembered. This is my favourite of the Dr.Suess lessons in life . To behave as if the day is the one I will be remembered for...We know that every interaction is making history whether it is yours or the person you are interacting with.(Seewww.loveliveholistically.com/history.php) or (SELF=YOU (2017)Angela Scott, History, Chapter 12,Amazon) In which I remind you of the Buddhist eight fold wheel, It urges us that in everything you do, every interaction you make, ensure you are being mindful, with the Right View, Right Intention, Right Speech, Right Action, Right Effort, Right Concentration and of course Right Mindfulness. This could be from the smile on your face, a kind gesture or just your demeanour. We can't jump out of a plane for charity everyday or some other heroic deed, so we have to live every day as if it is a day that will be remembered by ourselves or the people we interact with.
This blog focused on getting ahead, I used famous quotes to help you do that. The first of my famous quotes was from Dr Seuss, who stated 'You have brains in your head, feet in your shoes, you can steer yourself in any direction you choose.
I told you of my determination to get on a Masters degree without having all the stipulated criteria...I showed you that although I had six children, failed relationships, the death of my daughter, and got evicted I was going to steer my life in the direction I wanted it to go. I asked you what was stopping you right now, from applying for that post, course, degree, that lease or mortgage. Once you believe that you can handle what it takes to complete or provide the service you are reaching for, you should go for it, perhaps, after seeking advice from someone who may have taken the journey you intend to embark on. This blog then introduced my second quote that of Mark Twain who advised us that the secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking and managing tasks, one by one.
I described how one may begin a task of getting somewhere to live, we take one step at a time to get to our final goal, but we need to start. I mentioned that there are some situations we find ourselves in that we may have never encountered before, but had no choice but to deal with them. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr gave us encouragement when he is quoted to have said "Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase". My first steps to becoming debt free was to call a debt management company and to deal with each debt until they were no longer drowning me. I walked tall and owned my situation. I held my head high and looked my debt in the face, advice given by Helen Keller. I wore the crown, Dr Maya Angelou said was, bought and paid for (not on a credit card) then took debt by the arm and escorted it out my life...All it took was that first step.
Moving on may not be as easy as I made my debt issue seem. Many of us struggle with letting go of the past, moving through the pain and getting to the other side. I describe the stages of wanting to change and actually making that transition in my Liminal stage, which has four stages of growth. It was liken to a Catepillar and its growth into a butterfly.
Awareness - You come to the realisation that something has to change and that you can not carry on with the situation as it is. Stalemate- Sad mate.....Here you feel sorry for yourself and have a pity party for one. But in the back of your mind, you know your work is about to start as the next stage has you, Seeking help in the Chrysalis Stage, where no stone is left on-turned in your efforts to sort things out. When everything is spick and span you emerge from the Emergence Stage a new stronger person, battle scars and all. As you move forward I remind you of the pitfall of looking back with a few quotes from the bible, the most famous I feel, is Genesis 19:26 which states Lot's wife, looked back, and she became a pillar of salt.
Many people live and die with regrets which led me on to a quote by Auguste Gusteau, who stated that if you focus on what you left behind, you will never see what lies ahead, and C.S Lewis' quote 'There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind'.
Throughout my adult life. I have had catastrophic incidents to deal with. Which could have had me searching my past for comfort, perhaps, I could have sat there wondering or wishing I had done things differently, but felt that I had no other choice than to move forward. My next quote, attributed to Muhammad Ali summed up my situation when he stated that "It Isn’t the Mountain Ahead That Wears You Out; It Is the pebble in Your Shoe" I trudged on knowing that I had to carry on, if not for myself but for the other children I had left. I alerted you to the fact that sometimes we get the chance to remove that pebble and climb the mountain of our situation, free from hindrance. I then spoke about procrastination and found a Henry Ford quote in which he felt that most people get ahead during the time that others waste. We are aware that if we want to get ahead we need to stay on course regardless what the people around us are doing. I ended this blog the way it started, with a five life lesson quote from Dr Suess, he states that you are to be you, forget about fitting in and go where your mind and your shoe takes you. He goes on to say that we should say what we feel as the people in our lives that matter, don't mind. I remind you of the eight fold wheel once followed, you become mindful of every aspect of your life which includes your interactions with whoever you meet and think about. This makes our history and that of others, living this way facilitates Dr Suess' final life lesson, that of, behave, as if this is the day we will be remembered. I hope you take something from this blog , perhaps to use as a motto or even a way of life...I wish you well.
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