Up hill Struggle

Written at 04.40 7th April 2016

When life is a up hill struggle decide TODAY – TODAY right now, that you are going to STOP. You are going to STOP. You are going to stop fighting at work, for a position that you know you are never going to get. You are going to STOP fighting against unseen forces that are telling you to follow your dream, you’re here for a purpose and guess what, you’ll end up regretting life if you don’t at least try to do what you are meant to do in life. TODAY stop trying to ‘STAY THERE’ Stop staying there because, it’s what you’ve got to do, or people may talk about you. Stop staying there because you don’t have a choice, you always have a choice, it’s called free will. I’ve always been able to pick up on ‘I don’t like her’ , maybe not as quickly as I’d like, I tend to take people at face value and end up being taken for granted for a while until I notice what’s going on, when I do however, I find the nearest exit and leave. The nearest exit could be – Another job, another place to live, a break up of a relationship, letting go of friendships or a stand, I’m not putting up with this anymore type of stand. TODAY you need to stop ‘STAYING THERE’

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On several occasions I have applied for a position, got the post only to find when I get there that there is someone who has been working there for years and felt that the post I got, should have been their natural progression in the company, one woman had been working at this place for eight years and then I turn up. This definitely put her nose out of joint. You can imagine! I won’t go into what she put me through while there, however I do have an art in turning people around or at least enabling them to see things from a different prospective. She became a model member of my team and went on to get a position she could have only dreamt of……I tend to be the catalyst for others to move on to bigger and better things. It took this woman eight years and three months to realize that she was never going any further in this company……think what you like here.

Are you that person who is still in a company hoping some day they will give you the next natural progressive position on the ladder? Only to see the company employ someone from outside to take the position? There is another instance where a shift leader found out what a care assistant was being paid hourly and flipped, the care assistant was getting a full two pounds more than the shift leader and she had been in that job, (she use to boast) for TEN YEARS . Well…….you know I can’t stay anywhere for more than 2/3 years, so to hear that this woman had been there for TEN made me kidda sad for her really. I thought you poor thing, you walk around boasting how long you’d been in this company, and you have not got the self esteem to go ask for what you are worth or go and find a better position.. But I guess not every body thinks like me. STOP STAYING THERE, I’m not telling you to leave your job, I’m telling you to ask yourself a few questions ‘What I’m I worth? I’m I selling myself short?.

I believe I have the knack for helping people see their abilities and to look at situations differently.

I have had many jobs one of which was to help the long term unemployed into work. There were many women who stated that ‘i’m not good at anything, I’ve stayed at home and looked after my children’ I would then list the transferable skills they had. Such as the fact that as they are able to use their benefit check to pay for electric, gas, food, the water bill, the council tax bill and if they had a pet they would also need to be fed.

Time management was another consideration and a great skill. I would tell them that they would get themselves up, get their children up, fed, dressed and to school on time. Then, I ‘d go on to say, you have the ability to liaise with health and other professionals. This was not creative CV / résumé writing, it was real skills they were not told they had. The look on someones’ face when they realize that they are worth more than they were selling themselves for – Priceless.

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Please understand that the minute, the very minute you decide you’re going to do something, there will be challenges – It’s as if the universe is saying ‘really, you really want to change’ Lets say you want to leave your job – You leave work having all the will in the world to either get another job, start your own business or work out that you’ll manage on whatever money you may have saved. Then the car breaks down, although you are no longer working you feel you will still need it. Or the boiler breaks down, there’s no insurance for your boiler so that will be an out of pocket expense, or perhaps someone in your family needs financial help and you are complied to help, again this is an out of pocket expense that you didn’t factor in your leaving work budget. What are you going to do? Try and get your old job back? I’ve been too proud to even think of returning. Do you try to find another job, quick. In England that could take up to eight months or you could take a job that is way below your educational and experience level, well you do have to pay the rent/mortgage. My issues were to feed and cloth my children, as I mentioned earlier keep them safe and to show my ex’s that I can do it. What should you do---You should DECLARE that you are not going to ‘STAY THERE’ you are not going to stay in that place of doubt, a place of I’m going to fail. You need to tell yourself that you WILL be able to pay the rent, you WILL be able to feed and cloth your children and you WILL be able to pay your bills.

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The next question is How - You are going to find a part time job giving you enough time to work on your passion, you are going to call the child support agency if you are a single parent to get him/her to pay their portion of child care. You are going to find out if you are entitled to any government benefits, you are going to budget, you are going to get rid of the car you don’t really need, big supermarkets will deliver, get a delivery slot that’s between 8pm – 11pm it cost about £1.00 at theses times. You are going to cut down on the take outs. You are at home more now, you can cook. You are going to turn the thermostat down a nudge saving on gas and electric. The bills will still come in, call the utility companies, telling them that you are between jobs at the moment and can afford to pay a certain amount every month. Do this instead of waiting for the bill to come and you find that you can not pay it, leaving it in the drawer waiting for manner from heaven to come down and pay them. You are going to do whatever it takes to make this challenge work. Think back on what work was really like.

I’ve found that I have worked most of my adult life, and I know I put in 100% I’ve come home stinking of urine and shit, (having worked in Care) I’ve come home stinking of my own sweat. I’ve been the one my employers would call if a member of staff had gone off sick, I’d go in at a drop of a hat. I was a very loyal employee. I would miss special events in my personal life, I’d work on Christmas day and most New years’ eve. Wow look at me I was so dedicated, loyal and hardworking……for what? Just a pay check. Some of the positions I had were never going to promote me, some had never given me more than a 50p per hour pay raise. In some of these positions I was more qualified than my immediate managers. When I left my last job I decided that all that loyalty, all that energy, all that dedication will be channeled into working on me and my passion. You are allowed to do the same, give yourself permission, give your self permission TODAY.

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Lets look back on your work life……NO lets look at my work life. So image its morning around 6am, you fall out of bed, shower, dress, get the kids out of bed, washed, dressed, force feed them breakfast and piled into a car, cab or dragged them to and unto a bus. Then drop them off at the child minder or school, you get into  work. At work you pull off a super woman/man type of enthusiasm, work hard and stay dedicated in order to work for someone else. All the time no one knows the feat you had to conger  just to get into work. Your struggle could be a disability. You’d be surprised the amount of people who have ‘hidden’ disabilities – depression, insulin dependent diabetics, multiple sclerosis (MS), Pain. A lot of people battle with issues that you’ll never know about until they trust you enough to tell you about it, or perhaps you have personal issues within your family. No body would know as you turn up, smile and work like a cow pulling a plough all day for between 8 – 13 hours. I was hands on when I could have delegated, checking that what I had asked someone to do had been done correctly, finding other things that could have been left for the following shift members to do, as doing them would help them out. Yes I was dedicated to a fault, I was so dedicated that I’d go into work, with the same smile, the same dedication and loyalty to be treated like a child. (Work place bullying is unacceptable, but that’s for another blog, whistle blowing should be taken seriously, again I will tackle that issue later. Email me if you have any of these immediate issues Blog@loveliveholistically.com) - Anything there sounds familiar? Why have we let this happen? Because we feel that we have to STAY THERE. Remember at the beginning of today’s blog I said STOP STAYING THERE.

We stay there because? ……….the list is endless.

Email me if any of the above resonate with you or you feel that you want to talk about your work life or passion. Blog@oveliveholistically.com Click here to leave your email address


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A look at what you do for a living, using examples from my life, that is, being a single mother at 17, being evicted from homes, enduring domestic violence to gaining an Honours degree in Psychology. I went on to study a Masters in Counselling psychology and PhD, to helping others find and follow their passion regardless of what life has thrown at them.