Lena Body
To get up to speed with Lena. We know that she was born into a grateful, happy and financially secure family. We looked at her exploits at her groups, the friends she met and followed. We saw Lena's first 'I'm gonna get my life together' as she buckled down and studied for her 'A' levels, when a sought after university was dangled in front of her. We visited Lena as she partied hard and became pregnant, this led to Lena's second 'I'm gonna get my life together' resulting in gaining a respectable 2:1 degree and a job straight out of University. We watched as she out grew her first Job and took on more responsibility in a new job that offered with more pay and a whole lot of stress. Lena upped her intake of Alcohol in an attempt dull the pain of her past and cope with the ill-treatment she was receiving at work. All this came to a head and we witnessed Lena's third 'I'm gonna get my life together' when after a night of drinking alone in the dark, Lena realised that this could not carry on this way. Lena began my Liminal Stage, Awareness and stalemate was played out together, as she sat there in the dark, she began to feel sad and sorry for herself, then realised that things could not remain the way it was, she knew something had to change. Lena started to clean, ohhhhhh did she clean, in this busy chrysalis stage where she emailed and called her boss to end her employment. Lena then sought out AA groups in her area. We will catch up with Lena as she emerges from my Liminal Stage, we note that as this stage dictates, Lena reverted back to her past, to her childhood in-order to find answers to her adult actions. Lena found 'Blame' and felt that her parents actions of giving her 'too much' freedom caused her over indulgence of alcohol. Lena's train of thought was 'I needed to look after myself, I needed to find my own entertainment, I needed to be there for myself, I needed to console myself'. Lena internalised feelings of abandonment, working through her feelings was just one facet of healing, getting better and becoming alcohol free.
Lena made a list of things she wanted to accomplish
1) Find an AA meeting, join and start attending.
2) Clean up and throw out.
3) Spend time with Family.
4) Find a job.
5) Start a hobby.
Lena had completed the first two on her list and we catch up with Lena as she embakes on the third item on her list. Lena had an agenda for spending more time with her family! She called a family meeting and asked them not bring spouses. On arrival at her parents house, Lena knew that her brothers would already be there and all would be wondering, what news she had to reveal...Her mother met her at the door with a warm smile and beckoned her in....As she thought, her family were there waiting patiently. Lena sat down around the table where they had all gathered and said that she called this meeting to share her life with them.
Lena started at her earliest memory and recalled how she use to use the money her parents had given her for her classes and bought 'her friends' alcohol, she went on to talk about her four day binges at university and that, at times she didn't know how she got back to her dorm., and later when she lived alone, how she got back to her flat. Lena omitted her pregnancy and subsequent abortion. She went on to describe her first job and how she enjoyed being there, but felt that she could do better and wanted to stretch herself, Lena watched the expressions on the faces of her family which stemmed from sadness, caring to disgust and what looked like disdain then back to care and love. Lena carried on talking until she had unloaded everything she could remember. When she had finished talking, her family had been served and eaten a meal accompanied with drinks, desert and coffee. Lena fell silent while she waited for a response. After hugging Lena, her mother informed all that would hear that, Lena was her baby and if she needed help in any way shape or form she would get it, all she had to do was ask...Her brothers nodded in agreement. Both her brothers wanted to know how they could have missed all that Lena had gone through and got up to. They assured Lena that they would be more attentive, Lena immediately told them that that was not needed and was happy just knowing that they would as they had always been, there for her. Lena's mother said that she was sorry that she had not realised that she was unhappy and that she had gone through such a huge ordeal on her own. Lena felt loved.
Before the family left, her eldest brother said that he couldn't keep his secret to himself any longer and although he wanted to make his announcement with his partner, he wanted to tell everyone that they were expecting their first child, which would be due in seven months. Everyone was delighted. Lena and her brothers left together, it had been an evening of revelations, but Lena noticed her fathers silence and told him that she would return in a few days. When Lena called in at her parents house a few days later she found her father alone.
Lena spent the next four hours telling her father all the 'bits' she left out during the family meeting. Lena and her father cried, she said she had never told any one about this part of her past, but her father told her that he and her mother had suspected that something like that had happened. 'What can be like that dad?', she asked. 'A lot worst' he said. They held each other and her father confessed that before meeting her mother, his girlfriend at the time fell pregnant and decided that she couldn't have a child at 17 years old,so had an abortion. Her father told her that he thinks of what could have been every year. Lena tried to console her father, when he turned to her and said that 'what will be will be, if he was suppose to have had a child at 18 years old, he would have. He said if he stayed with his then girlfriend, he may have never met her mother. He went on to tell Lena that she shouldn't beat herself up about not carrying her pregnancy to full term, as if she was to be a mother then, she would have been. He asked her if she had considered keeping her child, she told him no, as she felt that they, (her parent) would think less of her. Her father said that he wanted to put a few things 'out there' then he told her that there are two things Lena had to own 1) Her drinking and 2) the abortion. Lena's face fell, she told her father that he didn't understand, she had been left to her own devices so often that she found friends that made her feel good about her self, her father told her that she was loved by her family and had she felt alone or unloved she should have told them. Lena said that she didn't feel she could let them know how she felt at the time, she went on to say that she felt wanted by her friends especially when she would buy them things. Lena's father said 'you used our money to buy friends'......The room fell silent. Lena said she was sorry, and stated that she really couldn't tell them about the abortion as they would think less of her if she told them that she was pregnant. Lena's father asked her if she felt that her family felt less of her now, after she had told them about her life thus far? Lena said no and started to cry. Lena realised that her family's love for her had never changed, and that they would have loved and cared for her regardless of what she did or didn't do.
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