love live holistically

How do you constantly deal with ‘it’s not going the way I’d planned’

How do you deal with the highs of expectation, the ‘Oh this is bound to work, it’s a great idea. I could do this or that with the money from this venture, the kids would benefit.’ You may sit there and work out just how your life would be better if your latest venture to help yourself worked.  How do you cope when it doesn’t work? How do you deal with the constant set backs? Do you sit there thinking or saying ‘I tried and it didn’t work’? How many years are you going to dine out on that conversation?

What do you do when trying times is all the time?

You could look back and say maybe, I didn’t give it enough time to work, I would ask, what made you leave it? In my case it was often the threats of the bailiffs. I couldn’t cook up great ideas and ventures to feed my kids!

What about that Law of Attraction that you are often spouting, to that I say, hungry bellies only see and feel lack.

What do you say to the critics that say, if you’ve been given an idea, a job or opportunity, you are to pursue it. Yes I say, but you have to believe without doubt that it will work.

Looking back I’ve ventured into places with no experience, no money and no back up. I’m not saying that that was a recipe for disaster. I am saying that, if deep down you feel that this is not going to work fast enough to pay next months ‘ bills, you’ve already deemed the venture a failure.

Ok it appears that I have answers to all my failures…Maybe I do. Maybe I still hold a grudge for those things that didn’t work, as my life would have been very different if they did. Maybe what I thought was a failure actually served its purpose.

This blog aims to answer the question, why do my ventures fail. I will use word venture (something new) to mean a new job, a relationship or even a better way of life…In my case, venture as written here, often meant a new business idea. I will also use the word God/Universe to mean a higher force. Just a reminder here, I am calling a failure something that did not come to a satisfactory conclusion or one I had hoped for. Please be aware that all failures mentioned in this blog are failures I deemed failures. When attributing failures to your ventures, please ensure that you are the one who has decided the venture a failure. This blog is about what weclass a failure and not what others may have deemed a failure.

According to The Collins English dictionary, ‘failure is a lack of success in doing or achieving something especially in relation to a particular activity’. Many of my ventures were classed as failures because I had ascribed a success quota to them.  What ventures have you undertaken in which you ascribed your own level of success to it? That could be a new job, any opportunity, a new relationship, a change in behaviour. Blog@loveliveholistically.com

Before we delve into the hall of failures, I would like to mention, that if you feel that you are strongly drawn to an idea, ideally a passion, you should thrive to peruse it. I love to write and in the last three years I have written four books. However the sales have not rocketed to dizzy heights and what sales I have made, have not paid my mortgage, but it is something I do and would do for free. That may be the issue with my many failures. I have often set out to make money. I felt that it would be irresponsible of me if I walked around like a starving artist when I had others mouths to consider.

How are failed ventures managed in your life? Blog@loveliveholistically.com Why do you think your ventures failed? Let’s try and find out.

Using two different coloured pens, use the first pen to write down five ventures you felt was a failure, leaving enough space to write underneath each venture. Using the other coloured pen, now write down why you felt the venture failed.

1 example: A book stall

I lost interest

2

3

4

5

Did you find a pattern? When I completed that task I found that I had written. ‘I couldn’t continue with the venture or opportunity, because it did not pay enough or quick enough’. I also wrote ‘I did not spend enough time with the venture, as I abandoned it to seek paid employment’. My main pattern was ‘I couldn’t stay’. I couldn’t stay at that job, I couldn’t spend any-more time at that venture. I couldn’t or wouldn’t stay. (Sounds like I’m always running! Maybe that’s something for my therapist) What patterns came up for you? Blog@loveliveholistically.com Consider your patterns and if you feel a change is needed, make that change.

When you look back on what you class as failures, how do you feel about them? Are any of those ventures keeping you in a lack mind-set? I ask the question because I believe that all my failures have served a purpose. Maybe you found that you haven’t actually got over your last failure and you are hanging on to the failures as a crutch, perhaps like me, you wondered why you find yourself trying this, trying that, only to have to leave the venture, the job or opportunity for what you feel are feasible reasons.

I have often wondered why God/Universe had caused me to use the little money I had to pursue a venture, leaving me in a worse situation than when I started. I wondered why I was given the urge to try something new, after failing the last venture? I was and still believe that if I am given a sign to do something, I need to peruse it, hoping it will be fruitful. Maybe my faith wasn’t strong enough? I still believe that all my failed ventures were because I couldn’t and or wouldn’t stay. How do you feel about your failures? Blog@loveliveholistically.com This is how I felt on the surface, ‘I am not winning, I am always failing, I am constantly trying to win and when will I win’? Then in the next breath I would have great enthusiasm about a new venture, I would be willing myself to win with the belief that I would win.

In reality this is what happened. Are you ready?

You are strong enough to conquer up the enthusiasm and willingness to start again, with the belief that you will win. You are also strong enough that, the minute you feel that you will fail, you fail. For me, it was that the venture was not bringing in enough money or produced the results needed quick enough.

The common dominator in your failures is YOU

Let me explain. You have asked for something better, bigger or brand new to enter your life. You are that receptive, that you respond to the call to begin a new venture. By merely accepting the call to begin something new, proves that God/Universe has heard your call for something you want and will provide it. Think of it like a transaction. You ask for something, you are given it via the urge to start a new venture. That’s it.

I know you need more of an explanation and that you may be wondering, why then, if God/Universe has given me an idea to start a new venture, why did it fail? Why didn’t it bring in enough money, quick enough for the venture to be deemed a success?

YOU caused the block, the resistance, you stopped the win, you caused the failure. When I realised this fact, it surely was an eye opener. As mentioned above, you was strong or receptive enough to accept the call to start something new? Well you was strong enough to put a block on the new venture, you was strong enough to bring the ‘Its not going to work’ into play straight away. Remember, for anything to manifest, one needs to voice or think it,(say it or ask)  believe it and act. That action could have been something so simple as looking online at jobsites (action), with the secret ingredient – Detachment. (In my case, once I started looking for paid employment, I detached or put the business on hold) Have you ever seen The Law of Attraction work instantly? 

Here’s a couple of examples.

Example One:- I was at the airport after a long hurl flight- 9hours. There was several people waiting for their bags to come unto the carousel. One person could be seen pushing others out the way, trying to get what she felt was her box of rum, in fact it wasn’t her box. Seeing that it wasn’t her box, she dropped it on the carousel not caring whether she may have damaged the box or its content, whilst saying ‘I don’t want that’. The person behind her whose box it was, missed the chance to collect it and had to wait for it to come round again. Eventually she saw her box and managed to retrieve it. She then began to lift the six bottled rum carrier unto her suitcase, as she turned to walk away the carrier fell breaking all six bottles of rum.

The lady pushing to get her bottles of rum, wanted something, she knew she would get it (her bottles) she acted on her belief, by attempting to collect what she thought was hers. On finding out that this bottle carrier was not hers, she quickly made a statement ‘I don’t want that’ and detached herself from the bottles. The Universe hears what she said, looked for action, belief and detachment and grants her wish. When bottles of rum come round the carousel and she retrieves it, the universe knows that she doesn’t ‘want that’ so ensure she doesn’t have it.

I have done the same thing with new ventures, I am enthusiastic and set about trying to make it work (action and belief). When the attached outcome appear far off, I put in another request, albeit subconsciously. ‘ This isn’t going to work’ (belief) I then reinforce this by my (actions). I look for paid employment. Here’s what sealed its fate…..I detach myself from the outcome…I know it’s going to fail, why would I work out just how it is going to fail? I added detachment to the mix and hey pesto it fails.

Example Two:- I recently watched a programme in which contestants were given a certain amount of money to buy material, in-order to make an outfit which would then be judged. When told the amount they would be given for this task, one of the contestants immediately said $100 isn’t enough. The camera then switched to their trip to the material shop, that one contestant could be seen frantically looking for something….she had lost her $100 and had to ask the other contestants if she could use their change from their $100 if they had any.

What did the Universe see and hear? …. I don’t want $100, her action would be, her dismissal of the $100 and her belief that the money would not buy what she needed. She then detached herself from the money and what it could buy.

The Secret Ingredient – Detachment

If you was to start a venture ‘knowing it is going to work’, realising that you are not in the drivers’ seat (detaching from the outcome) continue doing what you can to aid it’s survival, maybe your ventures would have worked. I am not trying to turn this blog into a Law of Attraction rant, but this is the reason the ventures did not work.

So how do you ensure that every venture you start is a winner? Here’s how you do it. As mentioned above you have been given the urge to start something new. Start your venture, without the baggage. Know that what you have entered into is going to do what it is meant to do. As we expect a successful outcome, we often attach, money, a new car, a new house, new clothes, payments for bills. In relationship, we may expect marriage or children. DON’T DO THAT- It is important that you believe that the venture will do what it is meant to do. The venture may only be given to you to teach you something, which will lead to you getting what you wished for. Again, as we are human, we will be expecting something from the venture, there’s nothing wrong with that, what you MUST NOT DO is dictate HOW your wishes are to be granted.

I would often take pleasure in writing down ‘If I sell 200 items I would make £2,000.00, If I offer this many services, I would make that amount’ Not a good idea. Remember when you initially made your wishes known to God/Universe, you got confirmation that your wishes were heard and granted by responding to the urge to start something new. Do not start dictating to God/Universe how to make the wish come true, by giving instructions as to how many sales you need to make so you will be able to pay next months’ rent. DON’T DO IT.  You have been given the urge to start a new venture, leave it at that. Your job is to just do it, that’s it.

You have asked for a new car and a bigger house, then you land a new job. Be assured that the new job was the answers to your wish, you are to enjoy being at this new job, you are to give thanks that your wish for a new car and bigger house has been granted….What you will find, is your manager gives you a company car, or your financial welcome package may be enough for a new car. Either way you have asked and it will be given. Your new job may have been given to you in-order to meet someone who will offer you a promotion in a different town, the earnings may be less, but it comes with a house and car! For me, it does not make sense attaching your new car to the wage of your new venture, when your car and house could be coming from another avenue connected to the new job. Has the penny dropped? It certainly has for me. I realised that my ventures were attached to a goal, that goal was money. I had decided that the money I would earn from the venture would pay my debts, feed my children and keep the roof over our heads. I ‘needed’ the venture to produce a certain amount of money. I focused on what I ‘needed’. What happens when you focus on something? What you think about, comes about. So I had a double loss, it would appear that my venture was destined to fail from the onset. One – I attached a goal to my venture. Two – I dictated that God/Universe should ensure that I make a certain amount of sales. I also continued to focus on why I needed the money and the lack thereof. All of which ensured my failure. Oh my Gosh! That is really why my ventures failed.

Do you realise that your given ventures, far weigh the things you have asked for? Do you realise that your given ventures, keep working for you years after you have forgotten why or what you asked for? We know that everything happens for a reason. I remember when I first moved to a new town, I was urged to get involved in the community, so looked for groups that would allow me to do just that. I found a ‘womans’ group which set out to help isolated people in the community. Looking back, the things I gained from that group was, finding out how many people in that community suffered from mental health issues, knowledge of the Social enterprise system. A government system set up for getting funding for a new social or non for profit enterprise and one friend. This one friend, have enabled me to earn thousands of pounds, today I am still earning money through her contacts. Several years after attending that group I have set up a 24 hour help phone line for people with mental health issues. That venture, for me, at the time turned out to be a failure which caused me to leave the group. That one venture had and even today has the potential to touch many peoples’ lives. Can you see why you don’t attach an outcome to a given venture, what God/Universe can wish for you is larger than you can think or wish for yourself. By attaching the payment of one or two bills to a new venture, limits your ability to have more than you can give yourself via a wage package.

We started this blog, asking how do you feel having setbacks all the time. How do you cope with failing at each venture, wondering when you’ll win. I asked you to write down at least five things you felt you failed at, then with a different coloured pen, write down why you felt you failed. I had found a pattern when I did the task, it was I couldn’t stay, so I didn’t stay. I would seek paid employment, often these jobs, wouldn’t pay for at least eight weeks. During this time, the bills would pile up which was followed by letters and calls from my creditors. Looking back we could see why ventures failed and how quickly the fail signal is sent and received when the secret ingredient detachment is used.

Moving forward, I gave you steps to ensure your ventures win every time. That is, never attach anything to the outcome of the venture you have been given. Because as you spend time sewing lack into your venture you cause more of what you don’t want and limit the gifts that was meant be yours. The mere fact that you had been given the urge to begin something new, should have been your answer that you wish had been heard and answered.